It's just Me and the Empty space

In my life I never got so sad at all. I’m just a so-so person. I’m not too jolly and I’m not too lonely. I think I never experienced a feeling in which I’m in an extent of too much sadness or overwhelming joy… until I reached 18.
Now, I’m 18. What’s the big deal about it? Well, it’s a matter of maturity and awareness about things in life. In this stage of my life, I’ve experienced the real joy that I experienced with God. Unlike before, I'm still an immature Christian, I never get experienced to enter the most holy place- the presence of God. In this stage of life also I experienced about life seeking and compassion, falling in-love (though it’s not that matured love) and life changing experience. I have so much in me that sometimes I never realized that it made me happier.
I can’t spell it out about the feeling of sadness when I reached 18. It’s more painful, complicated and silent. The silence of loneliness… and I cannot express. There is so much pressure in me… doing a thing that you have to- for the sake of doing it for others.
The feelings are there and I can say… I’m a fully grown woman. I can now feel the pain and joy. This is me and this is the simple way of self-expression of my happiness, sorrow… and everything. Whenever it rains in my heart, I just look up and say...
“This is what makes me real. To be hurt and fight back to my so-called life”. I just thank God because for rescuing me in this "lonely" space. Actually I’m lonely today. Hope you’ll understand.